Talk about Pre-Pre-Wedding Jitters
Being a W@wie makes me realize more and more everyday how marriage or weddings change the lives of people. From proposals, engagements, preparations, there is a certain discovery in every phase you take – for some they may be exciting… for me-scary. The more I read my w@w e-mails, the more I am able to measure up to the accomplishments of others as compared to what we have… even if I try to understand our current situation, sometimes I can’t help but feel sad about it.
Manuel and I have been together for more than 5 years now. It’s filled with happy, sad memories. Yeah, we fight – but he always, always let me win. I can almost say, he treats me like a Queen, what more I can ask for. I’m terrified of the thought of having to break-up with him, coz I might not find anyone who would love me as much as he does. But is love really enough to make marriage work?
A friend told me a while ago, you should love a person not "because", but rather "inspite of". Being the stubborn perfectionist that I am, I can’t help but notice a few shortcomings, then make a big deal out of it. Arguing with him was never difficult, he loves me so much that he lowers down his pride, just to give in to my every whim. Do I actually see myself living with this man who denies speaking out his feelings in difficult situations, and let me handle it? Or am I just rude and selfish?
It’s true what a co-w@wie said, wed preps are stressful – financially, psychologically and emotionally. While I’m writing this post, I am thinking of quitting and backing-out. Maybe I’m not ready, or maybe we are both not ready for it. Maybe I’m just forcing myself into this marriage because this is a goal I have set for myself – to marry at the age of 27. Maybe I’m not prepared for the many things I have to give up for him, and the many sacrifices I’ll have to face soon after. How about Freedom? Sanity? Conveniences? Life?
Today, maybe one of the saddest days of my life.
I pray that God would grant me the grace to face my challenges with courage, wisdom and discernment to live my life according to His will. For if not, I’m totally doomed.
Manuel and I have been together for more than 5 years now. It’s filled with happy, sad memories. Yeah, we fight – but he always, always let me win. I can almost say, he treats me like a Queen, what more I can ask for. I’m terrified of the thought of having to break-up with him, coz I might not find anyone who would love me as much as he does. But is love really enough to make marriage work?
A friend told me a while ago, you should love a person not "because", but rather "inspite of". Being the stubborn perfectionist that I am, I can’t help but notice a few shortcomings, then make a big deal out of it. Arguing with him was never difficult, he loves me so much that he lowers down his pride, just to give in to my every whim. Do I actually see myself living with this man who denies speaking out his feelings in difficult situations, and let me handle it? Or am I just rude and selfish?
It’s true what a co-w@wie said, wed preps are stressful – financially, psychologically and emotionally. While I’m writing this post, I am thinking of quitting and backing-out. Maybe I’m not ready, or maybe we are both not ready for it. Maybe I’m just forcing myself into this marriage because this is a goal I have set for myself – to marry at the age of 27. Maybe I’m not prepared for the many things I have to give up for him, and the many sacrifices I’ll have to face soon after. How about Freedom? Sanity? Conveniences? Life?
Today, maybe one of the saddest days of my life.
I pray that God would grant me the grace to face my challenges with courage, wisdom and discernment to live my life according to His will. For if not, I’m totally doomed.
posted by Cri-c and Jun @ 3:18 PM
2 Comments:
At 12:03 PM,
dionne said…
sis, i'm not sure what you're going through. i will not attempt to tell you that i know how you feel, because i don't. if you want to talk about it. i'm just a text away.
At 8:37 AM,
Aggie said…
getting old feet before marriage is common, cri-c - ako ilang beses ako nagtangkang hindi ituloy, pero it comes with discernment din, ask yourself - are you scared of getting married b/c of the costs, expectations or the man you are marrying? baka din naman you are scared b/c you simply do not want to get married. and that is perfectly normal.
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